“Is school cancelled?
There’s snow out there. Everyone’s texting everyone. Parents, teachers, concerned citizens. We all want to know. Is school cancelled?
“Did you get the text?” Nobody got the text. NOBODY GOT THE TEXT!!! There can’t be school today!!
Looks like there is.
If you really want school to be cancelled there are a few ways to make that happen…
Do any of the things below, and you’ll be guaranteed to get that snow day!
Leave your papers on your desk so you can’t possibly get anything done with the time the Lord has given you. School will be cancelled so you’ll have twice as much work tomorrow instead of coming in ahead of the game.
Forget to buy bread and milk. The storm will rage on.
Refresh the “School Closings” page a million times. Just like pushing the elevator button more than once, this sends a notifier to the superintendent, and inspires cancellation.
Paste fake news photos about the weather. You can do this a few ways–either cut and paste an avalanche photo and Photoshop your neighborhood in the foreground (this must be done ahead of time), or take real photos of your inch of snow, but do it at ground level aiming up so it looks like much more. In a dry snow, you can hunt down the largest snow drift and take a closeup of that. Then, post on all social media.
Pile snow on your car and post pictures about that.
Snap a picture of your kid crying. Tweet it to the Superintendent.
Schedule an event or project that can’t be changed. School is guaranteed to be closed.
Go outside early and clean off your car. Perfectly. Do not leave a flake of snow on it. When you are done, school will be cancelled.
Leave very early so you can make it safely and on time. The minute you arrive at school, your “no school” text will as well.
If all else fails, cancel school yourself. You’re the adult. You have authority. If you work at a school, tell your boss you thought it was cancelled. You can do this easily by sending yourself a fake up a fake text from your spouse’s phone, cropping out the number, and saying some kid hacked the distribution list. If you’re a parent, put on some coffee and declare it a bunk day. Then make your kid read or clean while you relax.
NOTE: Today, the author used the “clean the car off perfectly” method. Worked like a charm.